Before Matthew and I got married, we decided we'd definitely wait five or six years to expand our family. That was the responsible choice, as Matt would put it. Our logic broke down as follows.
Year 1 - School, save money, enjoy togetherness
Year 2 - School, save money, enjoy togetherness
Year 3 - School, save money, enjoy togetherness
Year 4 - School, house
Year 5 - Career, dog
Year 6 - Baby
And I was completely on board! It just makes sense! The practical, logical, no-emotional-distractions approach to life! Let's do it!
And then we got married.
Now, when you are in a relationship with someone for four years (albeit, four abstinent years, thank you very much) when you get married, nobody tells you this, but it's pretty much the same as when you were dating! (Except for a few perks...) So, all of that "togetherness" time that we anticipated we'd need to really get the most out of our marriage before we brought kids into the picture, turned out to have already happened! This realization hit only a couple of weeks after the wedding. "I can not possibly get to know this man any better, nor do I have any remaining neurosis unbeknownst to him."
I would not go so far as to say it is boring! Marriage is a tremendously rewarding experience! But, I'm tellin' ya, there's some days where I don't even think we can think of anything new to talk about - especially since we spend almost all of our time together!
"So, what's new?"
"I, uh, clipped my toenails this morning..."
"Yeah, no, I know. I saw."
"Oh. Umm, I picked up some eggs."
"Yeah, I, uh, I figured when we had eggs for breakfast..."
But in all honesty, we do have some fun together. There's nobody in this world I can goof off with more than that big ol' schmo. I just wish we had more to do together. And then there's that whole forward motion thing...
Which I absolutely require for happiness in my life. I don't know if you can relate, but I almost always feel like I need to be working toward some kind of life goal. And once I find one to work toward, I obsess over it. It becomes my life to such an extent that, once it is achieved, I completely crash for lack of usefulness in this world. My life goals, as I'm sure they are very similar for many women out there, are as follows:
01. Grow boobs.
- Accomplished Summer / 2001
02. Get kissed.
- Accomplished Summer / 2003
03. Get first job.
- Accomplished Fall / 2003
04. Get boyfriend.
- Accomplished Fall / 2003
05. Get serious boyfriend.
- Accomplished Winter / 2005
06. Fall in love.
- Accomplished Spring / 2006
07. Graduate.
- Accomplished Spring / 2007
08. Move out.
- Accomplished Spring / 2008
09. Get serious job.
- Accomplished Spring / 2008
10. Get engaged.
- Accomplished Summer / 2009
11. Get married.
- Accomplished Winter / 2009
12. Get a dog.
- Yet to be accomplished.
13. Have a baby.
- Yet to be accomplished.
14. Buy a house.
- Yet to be accomplished.
At present, I am not working toward my next goal. Or at least, I wasn't. And in times like that, I absolutely go crazy! I feel like I'm treading water, wasting valuable life time! A concept that Matt can't entirely understand because he's in school, and his life plan is a little different than mine.
01. Grow taller.
02. Get girlfriend.
03. Get a car.
04. Go to school and get successful job that makes lots of money.
05. Marry a girl to cook / clean.
06. Buy a secure home.
07. Get the perfect canine companion.
08. Bear an heir.
As you can see, his is a little bit more... calculated than mine is. A little bit less, emotion driven. He's a sweet, sensitive guy, but when it comes to life planning, he's got a very logical approach. And, as you can also see, he is currently in the process of accomplishing one of his goals. He's in school, working toward something! So, trying to explain a sense of purposelessness to this sort of man is a difficult task indeed.
And, even despite this, I still had it in my mind that I had to stick to the five year plan. Even though I had this nagging feeling in the pit of my gut that it would be five years of just... waiting. But it was the logical thing! The calculated thing! "The responsible thing." God love him.
And then something happened that had me thinking differently. A life altering event that made me rethink my perspective, and my real goals in life.
And everything changed.
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